After reading a few of my past personal posts, I have realized the one common denominator: each post has to talk about me feeling empty or lonely. And that, I can say, can be lead to one cause: lack of friends.

It took me a long time of meditation to come to that conclusion. It wasn’t easy to admit that I was quite friendless. I was labelled as the friendliest classmate; how could I be friendless?

Sadly, being the friendliest didn’t equal to having the most friends. It may be easy for me to talk to people I meet, but I find it difficult to maintain relationships. I go to this chatroom, talk to people, be in their group but then I get too nervous to talk to them again. I’m always scared if people don’t remember me; if I’m an insignificant molecule in their life. And in the long run, I wonder why we even get to know each other.

Sometimes, I think having the friends I have is a blessing. I don’t know how my friends managed to reach out to me, or if it was I who had to reach out to them. Either way, I find friendships and relationships a very sensitive topic.