When I was introducing myself for the first time at first grade, my eyes were attracted to a little boy in the crowd. He had mushroom-shaped hair, knobbly knees and skin as white as snow. He looked like a male version of Snow White and to me, he was beautiful. I guess it was love at first sight.
I was classmates with him for four years and in those four years I never bothered being friends with him. I wanted to, but I was always scared if he would know. So I kept it all to myself.
In the fourth grade, slam books were popular and everyone signed at least one book. I had my own slam book and so I passed it down to every girl in class. I was also friends with the shyest girl in class so I made sure that she signed it. She was seatmates with my long-term crush, a fact I hadn’t noticed until later on.
When she returned the book, everyone turned to the page where she supposedly wrote the name of her crush. It seemed as if she wrote something but then striked it to the extent where the name wasn’t visible. Beside it, she wrote none.
I had no idea why I would stare at her answer for days. Out of curiosity, I guess? I would find faint marks that weren’t useful at all.
And then I saw it.
I saw his name etched faintly on the paper but scratched cleverly. It was then that I realized that everything was flat out obvious that the shy girl had liked the same guy I liked.
I started watching over her, seeing if my assumptions were true. It was only with one event did I realize that she did like him.
One of our classmates came up to her and asked if her seat mate was handsome or not. It took her a while for her to answer and her seat mate was also squirming in his seat, out of embarrassment.
“N-no.” was her first reply. But after a few seconds, she looked up to our classmate and confidently said, “Yes, he is. He’s really handsome!” and walked away. I was stunned.
And ever since that day, when I would see those two together I would go all
Don’t get me wrong, I was hurt. I really wanted to cry. I wanted to go up to her and say that she couldn’t have him but she was my friend. All I could do was stay by her side, (silently) support her and put my feelings aside.
Even if my feelings lasted for four years.
Occasionally, I would search him up on Facebook and would look at his pictures (no, we’re not Facebook friends, sadly.). For me, he’s still the charming prince even if others don’t think so and he now has a little sister which I find plain cute. I also find myself fighting the urge to click the ‘send friend request’ button because of personal reasons.
I’m scared he might not remember me but I somehow want him to indirectly know that he was always a part of me and that he would always be someone special to me. Even if he may not know it, I’m slightly relieved to have this left out in the open.
